Now, it seems like it’s just a couple of moves then I’m back into a familiar routine again. What a drag.

now it’s 3am. Well, I’m watching naruto. Maybe, I can finish this post later on.

So about this blog post. Now, I forgot. I think I will need to forget about this post and go on to the next. Darn! This is something.

I face her parents – which can be came a great thing or a dreadful thing. Eitherway, the fact doesn’t change. I faced her parents with all my might anyway.

Well, parents love their children – she has the kind of parents who are a little bit more strict than mine. Well, I’ve got all the freedom she don’t have. But I definitely understand how they think and decide. Parents act in one clear goal – Welfare of the child.

I could say that her parents love her dearly. I have seen it with my eyes, and through their eyes. Their strict love makes it hard for me to penetrate them so as to show myself as who I really am, I don’t know. It got harder as time pass by. One thought came up to my mind, “Do I stand a chance against such a wall?”

It reminds me of what the Lord did when he lead the Israelis to besiege Jericho. He asked the Israelis to go around the city – seven times! Which means, a whole lot of patience and obedience to his will . With their own might and strength, they won’t be able to move. But when the Lord moved, he destroyed the walls that surrounds the city. With the Lord, they were successful.

For me, the city seems to be like my girl. Now, surrounded by a wall. But when the Lord moves, the wall will soon fade. My heart and my spirit is in harmony about this. There’s nothing more that I could wish for -other than Heaven of course with the Lord. May the Lord bless this Journey. May the prayers be heard in Heaven and may the Heavens be glad.

P.S. I know this will take time. Maybe… but I really don’t mind waiting. Til then…

I can’t believe on how my own silence and incompetence to hurt threw me off. I thought I was gonna be okay, yet, I was wrong. Amidst of my silence and self control- a open mouthed fool came to disturb my only solace -silence.

As I try to notice my surrounding in its very fine detail.There he goes trying to blurb his nonsense talks and allegories. I should admit. I was interested on what he was saying. He meant it for fun, but it wasn’t funny for me. So, I never laughed.

I watched him in disgust. As he open his mouth and speak those words which were meant to destroy my spirit.

I don’t get how fools think. Do they think twice before even saying a thing? I don’t think so. As for this, as what I know, and as what I’ve observed. This guy is a fool!

P.S. If you ever find someone like this, -a scorning fool- don’t pay attention. Don;t go with him in his devices. And don’t have fellowship with them in their own way. As for me, I may have hated the person very well. Prayers of love may be the key. And forgiveness and understanding might be a tool.

Another P.S. it doesn’t mean that  they are years older than you are, they are mature in thinking. What a shame!!!

I don’t know why I am not so concerned about this whole messing up lately.

It was the 9th of October, I got pulled out from taking in calls and pressed aux 7. Then went to my supes station listened to one of my supposed to be good call (?) If you could call it that way.

I got perplexed after this cold news reached my ears! “Your NetSat = -25%.”

A freaking -25% score! Is this a joke? No, it isn’t the details shows the score weren’t supposed to be mine. However though, it is still would apply.

Demmmmm… I never thought I could still stand after that. I will need more surveys to come lest I die in the supremacy of this doom!

There! I was broke like a businessman who just lost everything. I didn’t feel like taking another call.

To be honest with you,  I made some calls bad! hahahha Since, it is according to my discretion what to do with them. But, I did my best to be right there and then. To do what I am supposed to do and make it as it is.

But here’s what my spirit says: “Look at the sky and see what the LORD has made. What are those survey compared to the power that the Lord has. Be still dear child, and know who rules here and there. There’s noone else that you know. This is what happens when you go in a fight without the LORD, now put your shoes on, and your guard up! Take your helm and your sword! And FIGHT like A CHAMP!”

Blessed to go on and live one more day!  Special thanks to the LORD! — Don’t be amazed when things like this happens to you. Just be still and know who rules!

SHALOM!

Well, I’ve got  a very lovely story to share with you guys. It all about my first love and how I pray she’ll be my last. Funny to think though, I am not saying this out of mere assumption but out of a prayer which deemed to be impossible by others – I believe in Jesus – I don’t believe them.

I’ve got in contact with my first – you know-  first love (typically not my first ex just so you know) just a couple of months ago. The way it all started was just like a simple … Hello! dearest past!… It didn’t last for long.

We’ve started communicating just like that. Then, it went from there. I don’t really know how it went from here to there but it did!

To tell you what, I am all out tired of how it goes here on Earth. People love each other at a span of time and fall apart just like that. And I hate seeing people cry out of their misery and pain. After that, they go helpless as they search out for a little solace from what the ditch that they’ve fallen into. This love-hate cycle of relationship makes me sick of having it. For after the bliss, pain and torture will take its time.

Now, it seemed to me like being less of being in such position.  And to tell you what, I’m praying for this to last. That’s the best thing that I could do. But nonetheless, I am winning and I am more than willing to take it back again.

I barely could remember a thing that happened last night. It seemed like a vague series of things to me that I will need to go ahead and find out. I have a strong feeling that I just got myself into trouble.

As I woke up yesterday with my head aching, I barely couldn’t notice at how things worked out. Even the slightest thing that I supposed should be remembered just can’t be. Oh! I think I have some sort of reminder but I don’t seem to have the idea as to what does that really was meant for. I sent a text message to somebody saying : thanks but no thanks. And that was the sure thing I know I did while being drunk.

Lesson to learn:

when you get drunk:   you do things, say things, and think of things that you will barely remember the next day… demmmm **aw! headaches again… better get back to sleep now… tsk3…

**pray for me guys, I think I did something wrong along the way.. SHALOM!

Can this world be any crueler? Yes, it can. In fact, I’ve tasted one of its nasty jokes which had made laugh and cry. It’s crazy! I have never imagined life as hard and painful as the via dolorosa.

A good friend of mine once told me, “I hate making connections… it’s painful to see a person you have loved dearly to go… I have only made one.” At once, I disagreed but now I finally realize… he had a point there! Nothing can  .. to be continued.

It is Christmas eve now  here in the Philippines. A certain holiday that I partly hate and I partly love.

Although the thought has been  such a rediculous trash to me – christmas- the reason behind the fun, joy, and excitement still is significant – the birth of the Christ. Who would not rejoice on the birth of the saviour AKA Messiah? I gues no one. Not even the jews –besides all of them enjoyed shouting “crucify him” during their time. That should have compensated their joy!

I remember what I read about Christmas eve. There was a number of sheperds tending sheeps. I cannot imagine how glorious was the day of Jesus’ birth. With all those angels singing on high! MAN! That is the very thing that I want to see back in the day. The heavens were rejoicing and lastly… the sheperds was told about the born king! What an amazing thing! They looked after him and bowed down to a newborn baby in the manger!

I know there are still a lot of significant things/lessons that we may be able to learn from this section of the story… BUT as time passed by the celebration has become the most disgusting thing I ever found.  The LORD even said in HIS book : “ I hate, I despise your feast days, and I do not savor your sacred assemblies.”

I am not against the Christmas season. If you want to celebrate the known birthday of the risen saviour then that’s fine. But I just want to point out a thing that most of us do not know. Many of us have been celebrating it the wrong way and have indulged in idolatry and in abomination… There are a lot of things that I can find here but right now, I just want to point out one! Santa Claus, the idol of Christmas eve.

Have you ever tried to ask yourself… if Christmas is all about the risen saviour then what on Earth is this “Santa Claus” doing in here? Haven’t you ever notince how this so called Santa Claus ruin the real essence of Christmas eve. Haven’t you ever notice how we focus on gift on Christmas time… rather than turn in to someone who desperately LOVE us to give his life as a ranson for many!! But what is this Santa Claus doing in this scenario: Let me be the one to answer that…

1)    To deviate from the TRUTH:

1. The Truth is the  YAHWEH has sent his son making us rejoice. YAHWEH has a big gift to us. What santa does is that, he let us focus on himself that he give gifts… as for me it never came. WORLDLY GIFTS THAT NEVER COMES… he’s not even doing what he should do.

Moments with her seems like a never ending cycle of a cynical catastrophe in which a guy goes head over heels on a girl. Days where like hours spent with her and hours are minutes and minutes; seconds. Each second for me was just so important. Especially when she told me that she’d be leaving after a few days. Darn! WHO on Earth is crazy enough to take this cup and drink it? I guess only me…

She came and flew like a shooting star which shows itself and goes. The thought of her leaving the town for me was just too soon that I panicked and spent my days over just to be with her. I even dared to despise all the shame just to be with her. Me eating my own pride is not a new thing anymore… as usual. But, it is just like that. You suffer everything for the sake of Love and you don’t even care about suffering for it.

THE DEFINING MOMENT

She’s all set. She’ll be leaving in about 3 or 4 days which makes me feel really horrible. I don’t know but I just can’t imagine life without her. Even the thought of her leaving the town makes me feel so bad. The love that we’ve share and the moments that we’ve got used to plays a significant role within me –in which at first I thought I can’t ever live without. Sadness covered the whole melody of life. Gloominess covered every color that I can see.

SUFFERING THE PAIN

She’s gone and I know not when will my eyes see even a glimpse of her, or will I ever see her again? Will I ever hold the dearest hand that I’ve held for so long? Will I ever share laughs, thoughts, and dreams with her again? Questions linger in my head hurting me three times over.

Pain was staggering as I watch her tears flowing from her eyes while on a bus. In my thoughts I want to run into her and just give her a warm hug and a kiss and a goodbye… but that wasn’t happening. I was in the midst of reality and that it is absolutely not a thing that I have power or control on –this isn’t a movie either. I just don’t want to embarrass her, really.

My heart was gripped in pain in the agony of not having her here with me. But what can I do? It is something that I can’t control… something that I need to face with a brave heart. “But… there’s nothing really left, isn’t it?”I asked myself,”What’s the point of hiding your tears then?” So I burst into tears when no one was hearing me. I just realized its morning and I need to get up and stand amidst of what I’m feeling.

THE DEFINING TRUTH

It is not beyond my knowledge that she has a boyfriend back then. For me, that was okay. They may break up soon… it’s not a thing that I should worry about… and in fact, I don’t even know if I’m the right person for her. So, as long as she is not married or engaged? I will not let go. That’s what I was thinking.

Days pass by; we don’t really have good communication. I’ve got a phone and when she calls –she can’t hear me. Sometimes, we do connect with each other but a lot of times, all we have is a messy call. I even got into unlimited calling of some sort in which I think got her really agitated.

The thread was cut and I am not the one to put it back together. I am hurt deep down, swear! And I can’t stand no longer. To face her again, I may be able to do so… To love her again, I may be able to do so… but to act on this, I just can’t. I am no longer willing. My heart is damned more than several times and my strength are just so consumed by the pain it had cost me. I can’t.. I can’t… I am no longer willing…. I’m sorry…

NOTE: The author edited some parts of the  post for the benefit of everybody. The author, perhaps, no longer wants to get into this matter again.